Embrace Death… You’re Not Getting Out Of It Alive

Photo by David Taffet on Unsplash

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” — Jerry Seinfield

Death seems to be an uncomfortable topic for most people. It’s almost like if we don’t talk about it, it will disappear.

At the same time, there seems to be fascination around what happens after death. There are hundreds of books and accounts of near-death experiences. Many religions sell us on the hope of what happens after death, and how we need to behave now in order to get that great reward.

Why do we fear death so much? One of the primal fears that our brain creates is fear of the unknown. Maybe that’s it.

My Story

As long as I can remember, I had the distinct feeling that I was going to die at age 33. I have no idea why I had this feeling, but I built my entire life around it, determined to achieve all of my goals and everything on my bucket list by that time.

Then, one evening after work in the fall of 1999, I took my new motorcycle up the canyon for a quick ride before dinner. I drove up the winding road slowly, getting a feel for my new bike. About halfway down the canyon, something happened and I crashed the motorcycle into the mountain on a sharp curve. To this day, I don’t remember what happened that caused the crash. I thought I was gone. But I didn’t die.

After that experience, I no longer feared death. I felt like I had a second chance to live. That has changed everything for me.

“Embracing death allows you to live more deeply”

A friend of mine was talking about how depressed she was and was ready to leave this planet. She had been facing some difficulties and was tired of dealing with her challenges. I have been intimately affected by suicide (see my thoughts on suicide here), so I take the topic seriously. For some reason, I felt impressed to ask her this penetrating question, “How do you know that things would be better if you died? What if things were the same, or worse?”

I think sometimes, we suffer from the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome.

When I say we should embrace death, I am not talking about suicide or rushing the process of life. It’s quite the opposite. Embracing death allows us to learn to be more present, to enjoy the only thing that we really have; here and now.

Knowing that each day that we live we are one day closer to death gives us a unique perspective. It allows us to more deeply savor each experience. It provides us context on the preciousness of life and what really matters.

“Death is life’s greatest gift, for with it, the value of life is increased”

Knowing that our story is finite brings a richness to life. When we learn to embrace the reality of death, we choose to live differently.

Some people act like they’ll live forever, always assuming they’ll have one more day. They get lost in the rat race and don’t take time to appreciate those precious things that are the true building blocks of life.

The relationships we have, the view of another sunset, a child’s laughter, a mountain hike. When we realize that tomorrow may not exist for us, these things increase in value, instead of spending more time in the office to buy things we don’t even need.

What If You Knew?

What if you knew you had six months to live? What would you do differently? Would you make that breakfast for your partner? Would you call your parents or siblings more often? What would you change? What’s stopping you now?

I challenge you to write these questions down in your journal and answer them. Taking the time to contemplate your death can give you a stronger direction and meaning for your life.

How Much Control Do You Have?

Except for those who choose to end their lives by suicide, we really don’t have much control about when we’ll die. We can potentially shorten our lifespan by the way we care for our body, but that still doesn’t give us a window into our final days.

I remember seeing a bumper sticker that said “I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol”. There is truth even in that simple statement.

Would you rather live long and shallow, or short and deep? Are you willing to put your fears aside and live a huge, self-expressed life, or live in fear and safety for a few extra days? Your life, your choice.

When we give up the illusion of control, and realize that we could go at any moment, we give our life more meaning.

Tomorrow Is The Enemy Of Today

I remember so many times when I have decided to procrastinate a decision because there was always tomorrow. There is no guarantee. If it’s important enough to do, do it today. If not, don’t worry about it today.

We do get to find our personal balance of setting goals and planning for tomorrow. It would be reckless of us to quit our jobs and create a ton of debt because we don’t know if we’ll be alive tomorrow. But we also get to find the balance of enjoying the journey and really focusing on what’s truly important to us in our lives.

Make time to appreciate the small things. Make time to cultivate relationships. Make time for balance.

Let It Go

We spend so much time in our day-to-day lives worrying about things that never happen, or complaining about what’s wrong with our lives. Let all of that go. No matter how long you live, life is too short to focus on these things. Take time to express gratitude for all you do have. Take time to appreciate art and music and anything else that your senses and body can enjoy.

Take time to live without regrets. Don’t guilt yourself for that big bowl of ice cream. Make the choice to be intentional about everything you do, and let go of those things that drag you down.

Breathe

We take for granted the miracle of breath. Go ahead, try to live without it for an hour… or even ten minutes.

Meditation and mindfulness are practices that help us to be present. Focusing on our breath is a great way to be present. Take time to be more present and watch life unfold in new ways.

Bringing It All Together

Embrace death… or continue to fear it. Whatever you do, live today, this very moment, with the stark reality that you will die, without knowing when. Make every moment count, because it does.