An Open Letter To My Birth Mother
Dear Birth Mum,
I don’t know you. You don’t know me. We both know about each other, as we parted ways almost 52 years ago. I’m not sure what was going on in your life, but I was just starting my journey on this planet.
I think about you from time to time. When other people talk about some condition that runs in their family genes, I think “I have no idea what’s in my family genes.” I had a DNA test done last year to see if there was any insight into who I am. Nothing notable came up. I’m pretty generic, from European descent.
I started looking for you a few years back, then I stopped. I know you were about 18 years old when you had me. I know your last name is Shimp. After about a week of research, I just decided to stop. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because of fear of what I’d find out. Maybe I didn’t want to interrupt your world. I’m not really sure, but the desire went away.
I never really think about my birth father. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure if he is still a part of your life, or if you never saw him again after conceiving me. Wherever he is, I hope he’s happy as well.
I have a daughter that’s adopted. We adopted her as an infant as well. She’s amazing. She has built a relationship with her birth mother and siblings over the past few years. I love that there are more people in her life that can support her and show her love.
I didn’t realize it until only a few years ago, but I had a strong sense of abandonment, resentment and betrayal because you chose to place me for adoption. I am not blaming you. As an infant that didn’t know what was going on in my life, I just created my own story. I created the story that you didn’t want me. I created the story that my adoptive mother was taking me away from you, so I resented her. Then, my little brain started using confirmation bias to find evidence that this was all true. Of course, since I was looking for it, I found it. Over and over and over again. Then, since I had this program running in my subconscious, it showed up in my life and my relationships. I had a hard time trusting people. I had lots of jealousy. I would try to sabotage a relationship before the other person could. I know, they were just stories, but they were real to me.
It wasn’t until recently that I was able to release this programming of abandonment, and rewrite a new, empowering program. That is why I choose to write this letter now.
Thank you for placing me for adoption. Thank you for your wisdom in allowing me to experience this human journey with the family that chose me, a curly-haired, blue-eyed baby.
I want you to know that my life has been amazing. My parents are still alive and together after 50+ years of marriage. They created a safe, loving place for me to experience life. I have so many friends who were physically or sexually abused by their parents. Not me. Thank you for letting me be raised by them.
I have four other siblings. We had a blast growing up. We spent time living in both the country and the city. For a time, we had goats and chickens. We normally had a dog or cat. We even had horses for a while, and my parents let me have a rodeo with neighbor kids where we sold popcorn and my mum’s big cinnamon rolls.
We weren’t rich, but we weren’t poor. My father is my hero in showing me how to work hard. He was even an entrepreneur with a couple of businesses.
I’m sure you’ve wondered about me, like I have about you. I want you to know that I am doing fantastic. I have experienced the fullness that life has to offer. I have eight amazing children. I have an amazing fiancé that loves and supports me in everything I do. I have created my own business where I am helping others transform their lives by being more authentic and standing in their power. I have seen lives change, just like mine has.
Now, I don’t know if you’re even still alive. I hope you are. I hope that by some small miracle, you read this letter. If there is any regret, guilt or shame that you experience because of your decision to place me for adtoption, please let it go. I want to thank you for allowing me to have a better life than I could have ever imagined. I want to thank you for providing me with a perfect opportunity for learning, loving and laughter with one of the best families on the planet.
For your sacrifice for me, I thank you. I love you.